Hump Day

OOOH where do I start? I'm just gonna wing it until I can figure how I want to really tell this story. Let's start with a warm up shall we!

Random Shit:

I have you ever felt too shame to eat your lunch at work with your co-workers cause you were to broke to bring or buy a real meal...eatin' your little PBJ sandwich at your desk all quiet.

Don't have the nerve to eat the instant lunch Ramen noodles, people be at work lookin' at you all crazy...like what's that old noodle smell. Bitch, let's take a collection plate around here since you so worried.

Who feels that Rhianna totally swagger jacked FeFe Dobson? I watched her new video for "Shut Up and Drive"....not feelin it. It would really be interesting to see FeFe Dobson really try to make a big comeback to give Rhi Rhi a little lyrical competition. You can tell Rhianna has the corporate money engine behind her, that's another reason she looks so hot. I never cared for Rhianna's musical talent so I can't say I miss her "island sound", but that sound was really her, I guess. But the white folks are gonna invest so much in Rhi-Rhi that I guess the music itself really doesn't matter.

Aaaw Fe Fe, I hope there is still room for the real black rocker chicks

So Coral is a Lesbian. The MTV Reality addict is now exploring her new sexuality. She said she has always had it in her, she was just never ready to come out. BOOOO! I don't believe it. I feel another fake publicity stunt to get some flashlight shine, cause that's all she's gonna get!

Wow, white folks have started their own currency in the US. This has been around for a while and I had no idea. In a town in western Massachusetts, there is a new currency called BerkShares where Norman Rockwell is the face. They call it local money. BerkShares are accepted in about 280 cafes, coffee shops, grocery stores and other businesses in Great Barrington and neighboring towns, including Stockbridge, the town where Rockwell lived for a quarter century. Do black people live in towns? Ya'll let me know, so we can get our Frederick Douglas on. You know when they do it, we right behind them...unfortunately!

Lt. Mauser, Tackelberry, Sergeant Proctor

I miss Police Academy. It would be awesome if they came up with a new cast.
Who would ya'll cast? I'm thinking Vince Vaughn (Mahoney), Brotha Man from the 5th flo (Hightower), Will Ferrel (Tackelberry), Mos Def or Dave Chappelle (Sgt. Jones), Neecy Nash (Lavern Hooks), the agent from Entourage (Maussar)....that would be the shit


Meet the FLOMasters. You ever wonder how black folks come up with these dances. They don't just pop out of nowhere. Well, here are the guys who came up with most of the ATL "lean wit it rock wit" dances. It's kind a cute how they're so serious and all in sync.



Ok. That's a good warm up.

So have you ever had the worst sex in your life? Don't worry it happens to the best of us!... and if it hasn't happened to you yet, then guess what? You're a lucky bastard! I thought the worst sex of my life was when I thought I lost my virginity. But jabbing doesn't count in my opinion, so that uneventful hump day was just a waste of time and feelings of awkwardness....side note: he thought he was really doing something and had the nerve to tell everybody at school, and I had the nerve to think we really "did it".
But that was ions a go.
On the real, I would never wish a horrible sexual experience on anyone. The worst hump day of your life will always be a memory. It's so shame for you because you had to experience it and for the partner because he/she had to give it. I can say, since I had my horrible sexual experience, I finally understand the pressure men have had for years. For some reason I had the misconception that at the ripe age of 25, every man would have been on top of his shit. I thought the penis power that men posses at the mid 20's would have been at the pinnacle of full potential. I guess you can say there is always a rotten apple in the bunch. It was so bad...I'm waisting time writing this shit let me get to it...lol.
So it was my first year in NYC. Arriving from Houston, Texas, I was so excited. I was on top of my game, working as a personal shopper's assistant at Bergdorf Goodman, I really thought I was the shit. Nothing could ruin my New York Experience.
I was open to meet new people, not to mention the fact that I hadn't "done it" in like a year. New York is a funny place, cause' you never know who you'll meet. Everyone is from everywhere. Would I meet my "BIG" or "Aiden"? Could I inevitably get my "Sex and the City" on?The possibilities were endless. So a lesbian friend that I worked with hooked me up with this guy from LA, we'll call him Flaccid Fill. By the way, it's hard for me to have lesbian friends...I will save that story for next week....Anyway, we met at some spot and I thought he was kinda cute. Not really my type, but I felt like if I continued on this path of rejecting guys, I would never meet anyone that could possibly be the best penis ever. So after weeks of going out, he invited me to his apt.

.... NOW HERE ARE SURE FIRE SIGNS OF DISASTER....
TAKE NOTE AND LEARN

The Apt- In New York, looks are deceiving. Most apt buildings look like shit! You might be looking at some of the most expensive property and it looks like a nigga could easily be dead somewhere on the fourth floor. So, yeah, his apt building looked like crack, but I still had hope because we weren't in his apt. At least it had an elevator.....
The apartment was ok. It was not that clean...not my standards...but I'm coming in with an open mind...It's New York. So we eat some take out, watch a movie, crack a few jokes...you know shootin' the shit. It's late, I'm not getting on the train...and he wanted me to stay.

The Kiss- It's all my fault because I could have stopped it at that...but I was thirsty so I kept it going. We kissed and he seemed unsure of himself with that. He was kissing all fast but soft...it was weird. I'm a fan of a great kiss, a firm, not too wet, a little tongue action, sucking of the lips kind of kiss, not too fast, but not boring slow....that kiss was just awkward. I'm already like uggghh! But we kept it going.

The Foreplay- So when he finally caught on to the way I kissed, I'm thinking ok, maybe this wont be so bad... We were doing the "I wanna "do it" but don't wanna seem thirsty so I'm gonna take it easy kind of foreplay" which can be cool. I don't like jumping into things too fast, at least when I'm sober. Shit, this nigga acted like he was going down and then paused and said "I don't Go Down"...so I said..."I didn't ask you to"... I was tight because he even said that..."Didn't nobody push your head past my belly button, now you scared","Get off me!..." He rolled over looking all rejected. I just wanted to escape and go home, but it was like 2am....

This is so hard to write ya'll....lol

The "Did It" Part- I'm using the term "Did It" cause it was that junior-high school. So it's late and I'm thinking, is this the story of my life. I haven't "did it" in a whole year, and this is how I end my drought...tisk tisk...oh well...I knew he still wanted to "do it" cause he kept rubbing on my ass while I was sleep. So I "scooted" over. You know how we do. And from then on it was just a series of the whackest events that could have ever happened to a woman in life. First off I hate when guys have a soft ass, it's gross..."You don't work out"! Then he had the nerve to have all these stretch marks, and on top of that he was a slim guy... I'm saying to myself "E, save some of the integrity you have left and just run out right now....do it, do it before it's too late, do it now, before you give a pity fuck...aww bitch your gonna give him a pity fuck....what's wrong with YOU!" All I can say is I didn't give him the satisfaction of switching positions...lol. I just closed my eyes. I felt like Ceely..."He just get own top a' me...and do his business".
Flaccid Fill was not even doing his business.
That's what sucked. At least Mister gave it to her. Shit, I would have switched him out for Mister at that point. After that night, I felt violated... I felt violated because I gave him the time of day, I let him take a part of me that I knew I shouldn't have, and then didn't even make him feel like shit about it afterwards. He didn't deserve my scrutiny...let some other bitch act like she cares enough to even tell him how bad he was, Noooo my brotha.... not on my watch. Needless to say, I never called him again...SHAME! I guess that's why I'm telling the world. I know!...I've shamed you all....no,I have. I hope the men are reading....I pray they read this. I'm trying to stop horrible dick for everyone. Ladies spread the word! JUST SAY NO TO HORRIBLE DICK!

I Love you all!

Eddie Nicole