...to love, cherish, and kill the roaches!

In celebration of the many weddings that took place on 07/07/07 I am honoring wedding vows. And, I took it upon myself to add one more important duty that should be included in wedding vows (with an emphasis on the mans part). Here's why:

I was at my friends apartment the other day and we were looking at TV. Her boyfriend came over because he had the Martin Season 2 DVD and we all wanted to watch it. So we're looking at TV laughing our asses off and he notices something that we don't. He keeps a close eye on this "thing" and gets kind of still. We notice that he isn't laughing as much any more and my friend says, "babe, what's wrong?" and he says, "Uh, I don't know if I want to tell you..." "What do you mean?" she says, "tell me, what is it? is it a bug?" "Well, uh, nah baby...ok...I told you that y'all wouldn't want to know...but I'll tell you...there's a mouse in the house." Now, being the girlie chicks we are, we scream at the top of our lungs! "AGGGGHHHHHH!!! OH SHIT!! OH MY GOD A MOUSE!!!" and we bolt out the door. Now, I grew up running track from the age of 5 all the way through my sophomore year in college and I don't think that I have ever ran that fast before!! My girl never did any sports and she was right there with me...when I tell you we got outside in a matter of 3 seconds, I'm not playin' with you! So we are freaking out outside and we get ourselves amped up to come back in and make sure boyfriend was okay. Well, we get in and boyfriend looks like he just had an all out war with Mickey Mouse. Boxes were moved out the way, the sofa was on the other side of the room. We asked him frantically, "Where is it?! Where is the mouse?!" and he said calmly, "I killed it baby." My girl asked, "well, how did u kill it, where is it?" He said calmly, "I stomped it." "You what?!" I asked, "You stomped it?...Like, with your foot?!" He again, said calmly, "yeah." My girl and I immediately laughed so hard in amazement because he had on some Adidas flip flop type shoes. At that moment, we realized just how gangsta this dude was! He killed this mouse damn near with his bare foot so that we wouldn't be scared. And, the coolest part about it all was that he never looked afraid. He tackled that task like a man! How dope is that? It sucks that there was a mouse in the apartment altogether, but living in NYC, having Mickey come to visit is not uncommon. And just so you know, the Orkin man has since come to pay a visit to her place and I'm pretty sure none of Mickeys patnas will be coming over.

I told this story to say this...Being a man must really be annoying at times because you guys have to kill all the bugs, rodents, and other vermin that come around. Do guys ever get tired of taking on that responsibility? Or do you guys take on the task like a champion, like "boyfriend" did? My poor dad being the only man of the house full of women was on bug duty ALL the time. That occasional roach that invaded our space was most definitely going to be finished by "the punisher" aka "Daddy". I'm sure it's the same for some of ya'll and maybe "the punisher" in your family was your big/younger brother or even your gangsta ass Mama! (I know some females aren't as scared of bugs as I am..so I gotta give ya'll credit!)

So I have come to the conclusion that if a dude does not kill a bug or whatever creature it is in the vicinity, that he is now officially a straight up PUNK! Putting it outside is not enough, finish that mutherf***er! And, I have made an amendment to the wedding vows too...ladies, those of you getting married this year should consider this if your man has ever left you in the room with a bug or whatever: when it's the man's turn to say "...to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death..." he should say instead,"...to love and to cherish, kill the roaches, mice, and other vermin that may make their way into the house unexpectedly and then call the Orkin man, until we are parted by death." That's not asking for too much is it? I didn't think so!

live. laugh. love. Lady A :)