I think that in some sort of crazy way I am fascinated by the crack heads of this nation, especially the one's in New York City. It's probably because in NYC, poverty is right smack in your face and the majority of native New Yorkers are jaded by the thousands of crack heads and their shenanigans, that they just ignore it...oh not me! I love witnessing, sharing, and hearing other people's stories about their encounters with the wacko's of the world. So I give you today my fabulous Vanity Pages readers (all 10 of you, I mean 12-I noticed we have some new readers...glad to have you, by the way) 3 short stories, that take place on the train, in the subway station, and in an automobile...
CASE 1: Early morning on the train
So, I had to be at work very early on a Saturday morning for an event and I was incredibly tired. I went out that night, had only 2 hours of sleep, not to mention I was still tipsy. I get on the train and I decide to close my eyes until my stop just to get a few extra minutes of rest. I feel something on my foot. And, I'm thinking to myself, "I know this isn't a grown person stepping on my foot? It has to be a little kid, but it's too damn early..." I open my eyes and BAM! There he is! A crackhead looking at me dead in the eye with a "Bitch move your feet out the way" type of look. Naturally, I rolled my eyes at him like he was crazy...well he actually was, so I just left it at an eye roll because there's no telling what these crack heads will do. And, I am one of 3 people (including the crackhead) in this particular subway car. So I commenced to closing my eyes again after he walked away as if he was going to walk through to the next subway car-I thought I was in the clear. Next, I heard slurping from an aluminum can...and then the crumbling of that same can, at that moment I think to myself, "I know this nigga ain't about to throw this can at me?!" The next thing I know, I open my eyes and this ass hole throws the sprite can at ME!!! WHAT??!! Then he takes his cracky ass to the next car! WTF??
CASE 2: The Subway Sandwich
My dear friend Eddie Nicole was with her boyfriend in the subway station and they see a typical homeless/crackhead on the platform with his bags looking hungry and tired-he was asleep (or at least he looked like he was). She had a sandwich from subway and didn't want the rest. Mr. HomelessCrackhead guy looked like he could use a bite, so Eddie, being the generous person she is thought she would be a good Samaritan and give him the rest of her Sub. She laid it next to him and walked off feeling like she did her good deed for the day. Little did she know, Mr. HomelessCrackhead guy wasn't feeling her sandwich. As a matter of fact, he felt like she should know it, so a couple of seconds after Eddie walked off feeling good about herself, she felt a massive thump to the back of her head!!! The bastard threw the damn sub at her!! LMAO! I guess his message was, keep your sandwich Bitch, give me the money!!!
CASE 3: The Automobile
Another one of my dear friends in Houston shared an unfortunate story with me the other day. Her car was broken into. I was sad to hear about it because in these particular situations, one typically gets their fancy shmancy radio/cd/ipod player stolen or something else of value. On the contrary, her story was worst than that. She walks to her car during her lunch break and the window is broken. Immediately she thinks, "Oh no! I left my radio face on, and my Nike bag is in there with my work out clothes! Oh shit, I just bought some new shoes , they are in the bag too!" And, she continues to think of the valuables she left in her car all at this moment. She opens the door, and sees that all of the items in the gym bag are removed from the bag. Sprawled around the back seat of the car. "But, wait! Everything is still in here, this is crazy," she thought. Well guess what folks? All that was missing was her cigarette lighter and the gym bag! What kind of shit is that?! Now, I'm glad that all of her belongings were there, but this theft is screaming crackhead! All he took was a bag and a lighter!
Until next time...
Lady A
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
The Crack Files: Subs, Trains, and Automobiles?
Posted by VANITY PAGES at 12:00 AM
Labels: Crack Files, crack heads, crack is wack, planes trains and automobiles, Posted by Lady A, VP Classics
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12 Vain Comments:
Yeah, you brought back memories my friend. I will never forget the shock of the brown heavy bag filled with a half eaten sandwich pop me in the back of my head. I was sooo tight at first, and of course my boyfriend cracked jokes for an entire month, so I had to get over it. That was way over a year a go and he still talks about it!!LMAO
Let's see...let me dig into my crack files archives for a good one.
This one takes place on the train also. I was with my boyfriend at the time and this young crackhead chick is staring at us. I'm peepin' the situation and I'm like "What the fuck is this bitch lookin' at, she know me or somethin'?". Still aware of her, I turned around to talk. As soon as I turned around she's standing in front of me and she's like " Hi my name is (whatever the fuck her name was. I don't remember) I'm bleeding can you see it?" Now people, understand, this bitch is talking about her period. Then she starting to ask my man who the fuck I was an what and what he is doing with me. At this point the bitch started to put her hands in our faces. I had already dropped my bag so now I'm up and I'm pushing her she's swinging her arms wildly like a fuckin' octopus or some shit. I'm like if drop this bitch and she's actually crazy or drugged up I'll be wrong. Saved by the bell...it was my stop. As I got off the train she yelling to my boyfriend "I love you, why are you doing this to me? "
The moral or this story kids is Just say no to drugs. Except for bud. They call it a drug...it's not a drug.
"It just grow that way. And if you should so happen to set it on fire."
-Kat Williams
ROFL!!!!!! OMG!! I am toooooooo tickled!!! I think my fav is the sandwich tale. I mean that was tooo funny. You know Spiderman has his Spidey sense, and I think you have a Crackhead sense because you knew a soda can was comin your way lol!!! You should school ya girl Eddie Nicole lol!!! Maybe she would have been able to duck lol!!!
You!!! I know that dude...from the picture. I saw him by NYU campus one day. you guys got some shady crack files, like the files hidden behind some old boxes that I keep behind laundry machine.
This friend of mine comes in cheking out some high end designer clothes that I was selling at the time and goes: "dude, I know you are into sports and all that, but do you smoke...you know like for relaxing and all?" All the while, i almost don't really know this guy all that much to start talking like that, so I get a little paranoid and I am going like 17 steps ahead thinking all sorts of things (you know, flashes, like in the prince of bel aire when they imagine how life would have been without Carlton) so I go like: "what are you getting at?"
Oh...god, I am so gone, I am starving!!! I need to finish this shit later.
[TO BE CONCLUDED]
FIrst time by and I was CRACKIN UP at my desk. Sounds like some stuff that the crackheads in DC would do..if you dont talk to them they call you names and chase you down the street on top of that dont try to give them food instead of money cause they will call you on it LOL
TOO FUNNY
Wow, I will totally miss the crackhead/homeless incidents. And I love how they always happen on the train. I get the gross crackheads, like the time this chick looked like she threw up in her meal that she was eating on the A train. Then she started moaning and crying, until she lit a cigarette, which got some lady pissed. Next thing I know pissed lady is cursing out the crackhead, but Ms. Crackhead isn't fazed she's still smoking and sitting there smelling horrible. YUCK!!
OMG! that was friggin hilarious. here's my crackhead moment...
lil lady and i were in the city and he kept staring at us while we were getting fruit from a stand. lil lady gave him one of the two pieces she wanted and he was still staring. finally he said, your momma looks juicier than this peach.
we walked away rolling. to this day, she still buys an extra piece of fruit for someone less fortunate.
I can't believe you touched a homeless crackhead Valentine. You are gangsta!
I heart you.
You are the illest! LMAO!
Love the post!
e.
eclectik-relaxation.com
The Message board (Grown folk talk)
Hey is this the guy from my neighborhood? hmmm
Harlem 07
Crack is wack...I want my lighter back!
hahahahaha that was hilarious!!
That last one reminds me of the Dave Chapelle Stand-up routine "For What It's Worth" where he's talking about how a crackhead broke into his car and only stole a snickers bar he had on the seat...
He was like, "I drove around the city for 4 hours looking for a crackhead with chocolate on his face... finally I found one and was like, 'Hey muthaf* what's all that chocolate on your face??' the crackhead was like, 'Chocolate? This is doo-doo, baby!!' "
Ok, ok...I know I've probablly watched that stand-up routine a little too much, but still...you get the point. Crackheadisms never get old.
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